The (Sometimes Tedious) Committed Relationship

I saw this posted today: 

Love first. Sex second. 

I was thinking how apropos this statement could be for our artistic lives (as for our love lives, that's debatable). With art, sex (let's call it psychological sex, not physical) is the goal we often throw up before we even dedicate ourselves to doing the work. It's fighting the inglorious small battles––creating a sketch, a new character or few paragraphs, etc, etc, and none of it even having to be very good–– that requires the true love, and love is the battle weapon. To create for ourselves and not for the ages, that should be the primary directive. There's nothing erotic about that. Looking for sex too soon in the artistic relationship only leads to all kinds of grief––disappointment, resistance, and worst of all, surrender. 

In creating for ourselves, first and foremost, just getting the work is a success. All that other stuff is just ego propaganda. This is something I have to keep telling myself as I undertake projects that lead me farther out of my comfort zone. It's been said that life doesn't begin until you're outside of the comfort zone, but like any adventure, it can be a scary place to be. The natural tendency––well, mine anyway––is to stay snuggled in the comfort zone's cottony safety.

But back to the love and sex: Any long term relationship with the creative process is often going to feel, often, like a frigid lover. Something you're having to love more than it loves you. In my experience, comfort zone relationships with art will always prove to be utterly dysfunctional and toxic to creativity. The comfort zone is a botoxed and collagened mistress we're better off leaving to stand at the platform.

Besides, art isn't a mistress, really. It's more like a long suffering spouse. Be faithful to it and it'll be faithful to you, even if it's in ways you never expected.

Success, recognition, and money––the sex part––will have to wait. (The creative should learn to be intimate with waiting, you're going to be spending a lot of time together.) When and if the glory comes at last, then you can be as promiscuous as you want to be. 

But first: The hard work of love.